Forgiveness - exploring moving towards the attitude

This weekend I was the recipient of what I perceived to be wrong-doing to me by another - an individual that I had respect for. I was horribly hurt. The words that were used by the other person, towards me, were awful. I was left disheartened and feeling physically ill.

I spent a good portion of that afternoon, weighed down by emotions - wondering why this had happened.

Did I do something to incite the words from this person?

I could not recollect anything I did or said that would warrant the insensitive words that were directed at me. The words were completely out of context for the environment that I was in, an environment that, up until that moment, I had felt safe in.

The individual did ask for my forgiveness shortly after the incident, which caused me to crumble into a weeping mess (my emotions were heavily attached to the situation at this point). I could hear the other person talking, explaining and reasoning her behaviour - but I felt outside the conversation, I felt distanced, like I was not in the same room.

My day did not improve. On the way home, I had to stop the car to have a good cry, and then on my arrival at home - a full out discussion (more tears) with my husband regarding what had happened. He was mad that the situation could even have happened where it did. I just felt hurt, beaten and sick.

But this morning, I woke up angry! What is going on? I realized that I am allowing what happened to control my feelings. Time to move forward out of this rut!

Meditate.

I am not going to allow this situation to control my life - to have power over me - by continuing to allow it to hurt me.

I pulled out my book, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz and read to myself:

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 Off the Mat:

Life is an intricate blend of joy and sorrow. Forgiveness does not change that, but it does allow me (us) to not drag moments of sorrow into moments of joy.

As beautifully stated by Rabbi Rami Shapiro: "When we focus on forgiveness as an act it all too often becomes a tactic, and a manipulative one at that. But when we understand forgiveness as an attitude something else altogether happens."

In truth, most hurtful moments we experience are not meant for us at all, but are just the result of another's own sorrow and pain. I am going to move forward, with a different attitude, and try not to take things personally. I am going to continue to follow my dream. I am going to allow forgiveness to be part of my attitude, not an act to empower or disempower others and myself. I will explore this inside myself.

sat nam.

React or Respond - Looking Inside for the Truth

I have been recently reminded that my meditation practice is an integral part of my life. A few events in my life have made me step back and re-evaluate how I have been reacting to stress and negativity lately. Over the past few weeks, I had been agitated because of some negative external stimuli I was dealing (or obviously not dealing) with.

I know I cannot change how other people behave. I know I have to let go of my unreal expectations of other people, and not react (but respond) to their behaviour. So I return to daily meditation - I choose to remain healthy to myself and not react and absorb negative energy. I am working on removing anger and resentment through taking the time to mindfully breathe deeply throughout the day -  take care of myself emotionally and physically.

In meditation, I have looked at how I can change my thinking towards negative stressors in my life. Being able to evaluate these areas through my practice is allowing me the opportunity to take back control of my mindfulness, my internal peace with myself.

I realize that other peoples opinions of me really don't matter... what matters is my opinion of myself. That time does not need to rule my existence; I can acknowledge time without giving it meaning. I am learning to accept the present moment in my life, as it is; and that a good measure of my success is how happy I am in the present moment (it is not defined by what I complete or accomplish in my job).

Off the Mat:

Being mindful of myself and those around me allows me an opportunity to 'check in' - take time to self-reflect on how our society's fast-paced living affects me. I can rediscover my equilibrium, a place of balance within myself, and reconnect to the calmer, happier me.

Namaste.

"Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are."

from Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings by Pema Chodron

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Mindful of Mindfulness

I am trying to be more mindful of mindfulness.

And now you may ask "what on earth does that mean"?

I am working on taking my yoga off the mat, into my life; trying to look at the lessons I am acquiring through my practice on the mat and apply them to my life, everyday. 

Have you ever been driving to a destination, and on the way completely missed the landscape - the amazing things happening around you? 

So many times this has happened in my life.  However, on a recent trip with my husband (as we were driving down the highway on route to our destination) I had an 'a-ha!' moment of mindfulness. 

We were both bubbling with excitement about the prospect of sunny weather and four days off from our regular everyday responsibilites, when my husband said "hey, have you ever been to the spot where the Hope landslide went through?"

"No", I replied (wondering why I had not), "where is it?"

"Just to the left up here...do you want to see it?"

"Sure", I replied, as he suddenly veered the car off the highway to head up a windy road, into the drizzling rain of the foggy hillside.

We slowly entered the parking area above the Hope slide, came to a stop, and I got out of the car.  I stopped in my tracks... I was absolutely amazed by what I was looking at, at awe with what was in front of me!  How could I have missed this place before on my travels?  What an experience this was to just be in this moment!

"Pretty amazing, isn't it?", he asked me as I got back in the car, "I stopped here about 40 years ago with my parents on a family vacation and remember how big it was - or seemed at the time, since I was only around 8 years old!"

I looked over at him, smiled, and said "thank you so much for sharing this place with me".

After a few more shared silent moments of looking out on the landscape through the rain-splattered windshield, he started the car up, and we continued back on our journey - back down the windy road and out of the drizzling rain and foggy hillside - back on to the highway and on our way to our destination.

Hope Slide - looking east from the viewpoint, along the Nikolum Valley

Hope Slide - looking to the west from the viewpoint parking

Off the mat:

Mindfulness to me means taking the time for myself to enjoy the moments in my daily life - to stop and look at the amazing scenery in front of me.  To be present.  As the title of the song by Harry Nilsson goes, "Stop And Take The Time To Smell The Roses" - we need to try to be mindful daily, as the moments in our lives will pass, and if we aren't mindful, we will miss living them.

Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future.

Concentrate the mind on the present moment.

~ Buddha