Forgiveness - exploring moving towards the attitude

This weekend I was the recipient of what I perceived to be wrong-doing to me by another - an individual that I had respect for. I was horribly hurt. The words that were used by the other person, towards me, were awful. I was left disheartened and feeling physically ill.

I spent a good portion of that afternoon, weighed down by emotions - wondering why this had happened.

Did I do something to incite the words from this person?

I could not recollect anything I did or said that would warrant the insensitive words that were directed at me. The words were completely out of context for the environment that I was in, an environment that, up until that moment, I had felt safe in.

The individual did ask for my forgiveness shortly after the incident, which caused me to crumble into a weeping mess (my emotions were heavily attached to the situation at this point). I could hear the other person talking, explaining and reasoning her behaviour - but I felt outside the conversation, I felt distanced, like I was not in the same room.

My day did not improve. On the way home, I had to stop the car to have a good cry, and then on my arrival at home - a full out discussion (more tears) with my husband regarding what had happened. He was mad that the situation could even have happened where it did. I just felt hurt, beaten and sick.

But this morning, I woke up angry! What is going on? I realized that I am allowing what happened to control my feelings. Time to move forward out of this rut!

Meditate.

I am not going to allow this situation to control my life - to have power over me - by continuing to allow it to hurt me.

I pulled out my book, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz and read to myself:

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 Off the Mat:

Life is an intricate blend of joy and sorrow. Forgiveness does not change that, but it does allow me (us) to not drag moments of sorrow into moments of joy.

As beautifully stated by Rabbi Rami Shapiro: "When we focus on forgiveness as an act it all too often becomes a tactic, and a manipulative one at that. But when we understand forgiveness as an attitude something else altogether happens."

In truth, most hurtful moments we experience are not meant for us at all, but are just the result of another's own sorrow and pain. I am going to move forward, with a different attitude, and try not to take things personally. I am going to continue to follow my dream. I am going to allow forgiveness to be part of my attitude, not an act to empower or disempower others and myself. I will explore this inside myself.

sat nam.